Written by Tanya Lamb
Do you ever wonder if you or someone you love is the victim of domestic violence?
Domestic violence, often shrouded in silence and misunderstanding, extends far beyond
the physical acts of aggression commonly depicted in the media. While bruises and
broken bones are visible markers, domestic violence encompasses a wide range of
abusive behaviors that leave deep, often invisible emotional scars. Understanding the
full spectrum of domestic violence is crucial for identifying, preventing, and combating
this pervasive issue. In this article, we will equip you with the facts and lesser-known
forms of abuse so that you can fully understand what it entails.
Defining Domestic Violence
Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior in any relationship used to gain or maintain
power and control over an intimate partner. This abuse can take many forms, including
physical, sexual, emotional, economic, and psychological actions or threats. It's a
multifaceted issue affecting individuals regardless of age, gender, socioeconomic
status, race, or sexual orientation. Domestic violence takes place all over the world,
every day. Chances are it is taking place in your neighborhood right now.
Physical Abuse
Physical abuse is the most recognizable and commonly known form of domestic
violence. It includes actions like hitting, slapping, punching, kicking, strangling and any
other form of physical harm. Many times, an abuser will physically harm their partner in
places that are covered with clothing or do just enough not to leave marks. It can also
involve denying a partner medical care or forcing alcohol and drug use.
Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse involves coercing or attempting to coerce any sexual contact without
consent including making a person perform an unwanted sexual act or engage in a
sexual situation they don’t want to be in. It includes marital rape, attacking sexual parts
of the body, physical violence followed by forcing sex or treating one in a sexually
demeaning manner.
Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse involves undermining an individual’s sense of self-worth and self-
esteem. This can include constant criticism, name-calling, damaging a partner’s
relationship with their children or parents or interfering with their ability to contact them.
Very often abusers isolate their victims to prevent them from getting support and so that
they may exert control and dominance over them.
Financial Abuse
Financial abuse is when the abuser makes the victim financially dependent. It includes
control over financial resources, withholding access to money, or making the victim rely
on a small allowance. Abusers also often forbid attendance at school or employment
because both of those activities may make the victim no longer dependent on the
abuser.
Psychological Abuse
Psychological abuse involves causing fear by intimidation, threatening physical harm to
oneself, partner, children, or partner’s family or friends, destruction of pets and property,
and forcing isolation from family, friends, or school and/or work. Psychological and
emotional abuse often overlap.
Coercive Control
Coercive control is a strategic form of ongoing oppression and terrorism used to instill
fear. It’s not always accompanied by physical violence. Coercive control tactics include
monitoring behaviors, restricting access to resources and people, and using threats and
intimidation to maintain dominance. This form of abuse can be as devastating as
physical violence, stripping away a person’s autonomy and freedom and wearing away
at their sense of self.
Digital Abuse
In our technology-driven world, digital abuse is becoming increasingly prevalent. This
involves the use of technology to harass, stalk, or intimidate a partner. Examples
include sending threatening emails or messages, monitoring online activities, using
GPS to track a partner's location, or impersonating someone online. It can also include
distributing intimate pictures of a partner as part of a threat.
Cultural or Identity Abuse
This type of abuse involves using aspects of a victim’s cultural identity to inflict suffering.
It can include preventing someone from practicing their religion, isolating them from
their cultural community, or mocking their cultural practices and beliefs. Identity abuse
can also encompass attacks on a person’s sexual orientation, gender identity, or
immigration status, leveraging these aspects to exert control and instill fear.
Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation tactic where the abuser makes the victim
doubt their own reality and sanity. This can involve denying past events, trivializing the
victim’s emotions, or presenting false information. Over time, gaslighting erodes the victim’s sense of reality and self-trust, making them increasingly dependent on the
abuser. Gaslighting like emotional and psychological abuse often creates a separation
from the victim’s support system because of the shame instilled.
The impact of Domestic Violence
The effects of domestic violence are profound and long-lasting. Victims may experience
physical injuries, psychological trauma, and a host of health problems. The chronic
stress associated with abuse can lead to issues like anxiety, depression, and post-
traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Additionally, children who witness domestic violence
often experience complex trauma (C-PTSD) and are at risk for emotional and behavioral
problems. Very often they grow up to choose partners like the abusers they witness,
perpetuating a cycle of generational abuse.
Barriers Victims Face When Leaving Their Abuser
One of the most challenging aspects of domestic violence is understanding why victims
stay. When you truly understand the wide-ranging impact of domestic violence, you will
understand how hard it is to leave. There are many reasons, including fear of the
abuser, financial dependence, threats, emotional attachment, cultural or religious
beliefs, concern for children, and lack of support. Abusers often use these factors to
maintain control, again making it extremely difficult for victims to leave. Abusers also
often tell their victims they are worthless, don’t deserve better and will be unwanted by
anyone else.
Recognizing and Addressing Domestic Violence
Recognizing the signs of domestic violence is the first step toward intervention. Being
alert to changes in behavior, unexplained injuries, and signs of anxiety or depression is
crucial. Encouraging open communication and offering support without judgment is so
important. Many people think lecturing and talking sense into someone will help when it
does just the opposite. .
The Best Way to Support a Victim You Love
The single most important thing you can do for a loved one in a domestic violence
situation is to be there when they are ready to make a change and refrain from
judgment. Stay in touch with them and keep the lines of communication open.
Remaining neutral will increase their confidence and support system, and could give
them the much-needed courage to finally make the change. When they reach out to
trusted friends, family members, or professionals it can be lifesaving. Numerous
organizations provide resources and support, including hotlines, shelters, legal
assistance, and counseling services. Helping victims create a safety plan and being
aware of community resources can help them navigate the complex and dangerous
process of leaving an abusive relationship.
Need help or know someone who does? Contact the National Domestic Violence
1.800.799.SAFE (7233), go to thehotline.org to chat live, or Text "START" to 88788
For more resources including state hotlines go to
*If you are in immediate danger, call 911.
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